


Something Missing

by 1d-ruiner (spacedtae)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2488934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedtae/pseuds/1d-ruiner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is getting married and Zayn is a budding Alcoholic. Shit goes down.</p><p>"Canon-compliant" AU, in which Zayn never left One Direction and completed the 2015 tour with the boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Missing

It started out simple. Nothing for anyone to fret over, really. Parties here and there. Maybe a drink or two with friends. He’d come home with a visible stain – not dark but there – covering half of his wrinkled white t-shirt. Louis would say that he knew how to have a good time, _s’nothing really_. Niall would shrug and say _yolo, am I right?_ Harry would help him to the restroom and make sure he was alright, and then tuck him in. Liam would stay in the room until he fell asleep just to make he didn’t choke on his own vomit, and shush him back to sleep after he woke from a nightmare.

It was all in good fun in Zayn’s mind. And he didn’t really drink as often as the rest of them. Maybe even less than harry drank. Then again – Harry couldn’t really hold his alcohol all that well anyhow. Harry never got out of control, just a bit giggly, cuddly and maybe dizzy. Liam usually limited himself.

They would pressure him, and shove drinks his way. “No,” he would say, “Thanks mate, but one and done.” They would all roll their eyes at his self-regulation.

Louis was insane. He got stupid and hyper and himself times a hundred. Time goes by then he’s sleepy and crashes like a preschooler after recess.

Niall could outdrink all of them. Irish loon.

No one got that worried. Even Liam thought it was perfectly fine if Zayn wanted to go out and have a few drinks. He’s a grown man and there’s nothing wrong with it.

But things were changing before anyone had even realized it. It was November and the tour was long past over. Zayn was always sitting on Harry’s sofa twiddling his ring in his fingertips. He would get moody more often than not, snappy even. Never to Liam. But all it took was once to get Liam to focus up.

He went out more often, he drank three times more, and he was drawing half as much as he used to. He only called his mother once every two weeks at most. Which was a long time for him.

Zayn was texting on his mobile when an audible sigh escaped his lips.

“What’s up with you?” Liam nudged him with his elbow. Zayn flinched away immediately and Liam was a little taken aback.

“Nothing.” He clicked his mobile screen off, tucking it his denim pocket.

“Zayn. What’s the matter? You’ve been less than happy, mate.”

Zayn shrugged. “Just. Things.”

“Like?” Liam was in the kitchenette, pouring some orange juice into a short glass.

“No matter,” Zayn got up, reaching for his coat.

“I thought we were staying in?” Liam questioned.

“Were. The nights calling Li. Are you coming?”

Liam assumed Zayn was going to meet the boys but he stayed silent. He just stared ahead, eyes scanning Zayn for any sign of _anything_ Zayn-like. He wasn’t being himself at all. Not one bit. And Liam had no words. He didn’t even really register when Zayn said, “Suit yourself,” and shut the door behind him without another word.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam hit the sack pretty early. He didn’t actually fall asleep until a long while passed by. His head was filled with thoughts of worry. He wondered what was going on with Zayn, and if was something that would pass in good time. He hoped so.

He had a lot on his mind. He’d be married soon. Sometimes he doesn’t feel his age. He feels younger, like maybe this is a big step for him and he’s not sure yet. Sophia is everything he could have ever wanted. So he wonders why he can never seem to get a good night’s sleep, even when he’s lying next to her. But he loves her and he’s going to marry her. There’s no turning back now.

He proposed on a Sunday afternoon in Santa Monica. Right after the tour wrapped up. 2015 was their best yet, but it was also the longest. He’d missed Sophia so much, and at the time he’d never been so sure of proposing than in the first week back. She said yes without hesitation and tackled him into the sand faster than he could even register. The boys congratulated him, and seemed happy about it. He always smiled when he thought about it. But it feels different now. Like he’s trapped himself somehow. And he doesn’t want to feel that way, he really doesn’t. But it’s all that seems to be plaguing his thoughts.

Just before his eyes began to close his phone buzzed to life on the bedside table. The number was odd. Confused and disoriented he pressed his thumb on the green _answer_ icon.

“Hello?”

“Liam?” A voice cracked on the other end.

“Zayn?” Liam sat up in bed, waking himself up. “Where are you?”

“I’ve messed up, Liam.”

“Zayn. Where the hell are you?” Liam was alarmed now. Zayn really sounded like he was in trouble. “And why are you calling me from whatever number this is?”

“Liam, I’m at the police station. You can yell at me later but I really need you to come and get me please Li, I’m sorry.” He was slurring. Maybe drunk, Liam couldn’t tell.

“I’m coming now.” Liam said rushed. He hung up and jumped out of bed and into his clothes fast. It was three thirty in the morning when he finally checked the time downstairs in the parking garage. He rushed to the car and sped to the station, praying he wouldn’t get pulled over himself.

 

* * *

 

 

They had him provide his ID and relation and a bunch of other things that were probably unnecessary. They wouldn’t give him Zayn’s belongings or let him see Zayn for a whole hour. And he was beginning to panic. That horrible feeling when you feel like there’s nothing you can do because you’re up against the system and they look at you funny because they know you’re foreign and they try to fuck with you on every level because they can. You’re in their territory.

When Zayn finally emerged, he looked like a train wreck. Liam’s breath caught in his lungs upon the sight of him. His face was bruised, eye swollen, and lip busted. Liam rushed over holding Zayn’s face in his hands. “What have you done Zayn, Honestly?!”

“M’sorry Li, I didn’t start. I swear.” Zayn mumbled, wincing at the pain he probably felt in his lips when he spoke.

“Come on then, let’s go home.” Liam huffed, frustrated. He was concerned beyond reason but right now he just wanted Zayn safe and home. The questions would come later.

Thankfully they didn’t give them much more trouble at the station. It was Los Angeles after all. They dealt with this kind of thing nightly. So surely they’ve perfected their job into some form of entertainment for themselves by now.

Liam sees no humor in a broken boy with a torn up face.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t until they were in the parking lot, sitting in the car, that Liam exploded like some kind of concerned father who was about to ground Zayn for being unruly.

“What in the hell were you fucking thinking? Do you have any idea how far gone I was? Panicked, Zayn! Freaking out!”

“Liam I-” He tried to start.

“No Zayn, You gave a damn heart attack. You’ve been broody and distant and depressed and you’re fucking dealing all the wrong ways and you won’t talk to me. You’re being stupid! I’m your best friend; just fucking get a grip and…”

Zayn was still silent, fidgeting with his swollen split lip.

“And look what you’ve done. You’ve gone and got your shit kicked in probably by some drunken twat who’s got shit for brains. And I can’t even get back at the bastard for messing you up like that.”

Still nothing.

“Will you fucking say something Zayn! Christ!”

It was then that Liam heard a sob rip from Zayn. Liam had pushed him to tears and there was no going back now. Not after everything he said.

“M’sorry Liam,” He sobbed. “I’ve said I’m sorry. Fuck.” He buried his face in his hand, ignoring the pain that came with it. “I just wanted to get away and I’m angry and everything is fucked up now… and… and…” He was getting a little hysterical. “I didn’t mean for…”

“Stop Zayn.” Liam told him. A comforting hand was placed on the back of his neck. “It’s alright.”

Zayn was really drunk still, and probably wouldn’t even remember this in the morning.

“You’re not mad?” He looked up to Liam’s hard expression through his tears.

“No. M’not mad.” He wiped a stray tear on Zayn’s swollen face with his thumb before ruffling his messy and tangled hair.

The drive back to Harry’s was silent, save for Zayn’s sniffling and the unsettling beat of Liam’s worried heart.

 

* * *

 

 

Things were still different. They were still distant after that. Zayn still stayed out late. He made sure to empty Harry’s liquor cupboard while he was in London, then refill it with the same intentions of emptying it once more.

Liam tried to stay alert, aware, and even attentive. But it was hard when all he wanted to do was run away. This wasn’t Zayn. This wasn’t his best friend. It was easier to leave the complex than deal with seeing Zayn in pieces strewn across the flat.

Things weren’t looking up and Liam didn’t think they were going to change anytime soon.

He came home one night and Zayn didn’t seem to be there. He thought he must be alone. He shrugged off his coat plagued with thoughts of his friend most likely in that danger that he seeks out nowadays. All signs point to yes as he sees the abandoned glass and half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the island counter.

He thinks he can brush his worry under the rug and make it transparent like he has been. Until he hears a thud too eerie to be nothing. He rushes to the bathroom door, the only closed door in the flat. He knocks like his life depends on it.

“Zayn! Open the door! Come on!” He bangs his fist on the door, rattling it. Practically cracking the hollow wood. “Zayn!” He shouts one more time.

His body takes over and instinct kicks in. He throws himself at the door breaking through and rung the lock. The door swings open and there is Zayn, Lying in the corner, eyes closed and head bleeding.

He calls 911 faster than he can think.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hospitals are the worst, Liam thinks, as he waits with worry and fear settling in his gut. When Zayn is finally up they make him wait longer, telling him that he needs to wait for them to run some tests on his brain activity. Nothing to heavy, just to make sure he doesn’t have brain damage.

By the time they tell him he can go in He’s called Harry, and Harry’s called Louis, and Louis’ called Niall. One way or another they’ll all be there soon enough.

Liam walks in to see a broken and sad Zayn. He tries to be mad, he really does. But he just can’t. Not with those once bright eyes looking so pained.

“Liam.” Zayn cracks the slightest of smiles.

Liam pulls up a chair and takes Zayn’s hand without words.

“I passed out in the toilet.” He laughs. “Had a bit to drink. Cracked my head on the porcelain, Li.”

Liam thumbs over Zayn’s palm, breathing heavy. “You’re a bloody fucking idiot.”

And with that the dam broke. Zayn gave a sincere whisper of, “I’m sorry,” Before pressing a soft but firm kiss to Liam’s lips.

It was strange for him to do so but Liam let him, not thinking much of it, but embracing the affection.

It felt right and nice. He wouldn’t even mind doing it again.

The boys arrive and they’re both asleep, Liam leaning over Zayn’s bedside, their hands still linked.

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s a great day to be alive.” Zayn says on the balcony.

“How can you say that with a cigarette in your hand?” Liam questions, quite amused by Zayn’s omnipresent rebellious streak.

It’s been a week since he got out of the hospital and the doctor told him not to smoke. But when did Zayn Malik ever follow the rules? A half past never.

Liam’s kept an eye on him. They’ve nearly spent every waking moment together. Liam doesn’t mind at all. In fact he’s missed Zayn. And he’s happy to see him doing so much better. He’s about to walk out on the balcony with two coffees when Harry emerges from the other room, tone laced with sleep and hair strewn about.

“Your phone keeps ringing, Liam. It’s too early.” He stalks over to the kitchen and practically slams in on the counter. “You’re gonna marry the girl, at least answer the phone.”

Liam sends a text that says, _call you in a bit, love._ He almost puts a kissy emoji but decides against it.

He joins Zayn on the Balcony and thinks back to the X-factor when they did this every day.

He suddenly wishes he had a time machine.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam’s pacing around the flat, nervous and anxious. Tomorrow is their wedding rehearsal. It’s too close to that time and he can barely breathe. And then Zayn wakes up hours after him and it’s like the storm is calming just from the sight of him.

“Liam what’s wrong with you?” Zayn makes him sit down on the sofa next to him. He’s in nothing but sweats, hair free of product. “You’re pacing about.”

“I’m not…” He pauses. Not too long ago Zayn was falling apart at the seams. Now he feels like its spiraling onto him. “I’m not sure I can do this.”

Zayn smirks. He wants to be supportive. He wants to be _that_ friend. But he’s selfish and he’s honest.

“Do what makes you happy.” Is the advice Zayn settles on.

“She does, but… Something isn’t right with it. Something’s missing.”

Zayn wants to speak up. He wants to yell and scream. He wants to shout at Liam, _you’re right, this isn’t what you want._ He wants to cry for the love that remains unreturned. He wants to vomit for all of the whiskey bottles he nearly broke his teeth on. He wants to bury himself in the idea that maybe dying that night would have been better than this. He wants to tell himself that he deserves it for all of the fights he got in over the frustration. He wants to get smashed just so he doesn’t have to watch Liam marry someone that isn’t him. It wasn’t so bad to see him with Sophia when he thought it wasn’t permanent.

When the prospect of an _actual_ marriage date came around with Perry and him, he ran for the hills. He guessed it would be the same for Liam.

He tries to think about Liam. He wants Liam so fucking happy that he’s incapable of a frown.

Liam’s hands are holding his and suddenly he can’t breathe properly and needs to get out of the room.

“You’ll be there. Tell me it’ll all be fine.”

Zayn does what he always does. Kills his emotions and tightens his grip. He’ll hold Liam up; even to keep him out of the quicksand a little longer.

Sometimes he thinks that he would set himself on fire just to keep Liam warm.

“It’ll all be fine.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s the day of the rehearsal and everything is most definitely not fine.

Harry is tying Liam’s tie because Liam is still somehow incapable of doing on his own. Liam can’t breath and he feels stupid in the dress shirt. He’s nervous and antsy and wants to run away.

Nialls’ already Drinking and Louis already yelling obscenities. Zayn is nowhere to be seen. He’s more worried about Zayn than he should be.

And it’s only the rehearsal. God help him on the actual wedding day.

Sophia is beautiful. She’s in a dark dress and her eyes are shining. Her hair falls lightly like feathers and Liam knows that he should feel lucky. She’s the greatest girl he’s ever known. She loves him for _him_.

Liam would never hurt her on purpose. He wouldn’t ever put her in harm’s way. But he feels like he’s withering away as he’s sitting next to her at the dinner table. His mother is smiling at him brightly. His father is nodding in approval. He should be happy. All his friends are here for him. He has everything.

But the smile that seems to be missing from Zayn’s lips is the only thing he needs right now.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re all dancing and things go south.

Zayn’s is drunk and rude and brooding, and he’s not slowing his roll for anyone. Liam can’t keep up with his surroundings.

Nialls’ laughing loudly as Louis’ imitates Harrys sprinkler dance.

“I am sooo sorry Liam that you have this lot of idiots on your hands.” Harry is slurring in his ear and he tries to back up, but it looks like they’ve all had a bit to drink. “Tried to stop’em, really did.”

He can hear Niall still shouting, “Do it one more time come on!” Louis complies too quickly.

“Heyy Leeyum,”Harry Starts. Liam turns towards him, eyeing Zayn downing another glass in his peripheral vision. “I just wanted to congr- congratulate you.” He hiccups.

“Thanks, mate.” He says predictably.

“But I noticed… You look rather down. And that toast your mum made about true love, brought a tear to my eye… but a deer in head lights, you were.” Harry adjusted Liam’s tie that didn’t really need adjusting. “Just don’t fuck ‘round, okay Liam. Do what makes you happy, yeah?” Harry smiled at him and jutted a nod before walking away to join Louis and Niall.

He could swear Zayn said that. All he can see is Zayn, Zayn, Zayn. Zayn makes him happy.

Best advice he’s gotten in a while and it’s via drunken Harry.

Liam blinked away and saw Zayn walking outside. Probably to smoke. He feels like if he doesn’t follow, that he has nowhere else to be.

 

* * *

 

 

The air is cold outside and Zayn is smoking as expected.

He visibly tenses up when he sees Liam.

“Hey.” Liam says.

“What?” Zayn asks, irritated.

Liam blinks, the rude tone digging into him.

“Are you alright?”

Zayn starts laughing a bitter laughter that makes Liam want to cry.

“No, Liam. I’m not alright.” He stubs out his cigarette and kills the sparks against the pavement. “Now go get fucking married or whatever.” Liam could sense the cruel animosity.

Zayn tries to go back inside before Liam stops him, pulling at his wrist. “Zayn, I’m sorry.”

“What in hell have you got to be sorry for? Go! Get Married! Be happy! Maybe then you can leave me the fuck alone and stop confusing the shit out of me.” Zayn is drunk and babbling and doesn’t really know what he’s saying. Well, he does. It seems he just doesn’t care at the moment.

“Why did you kiss me like that at the hospital?” Liam was really pushing it now. His heart was beating too fast to leave it alone now.

“Must’ve been all those drugs in my system, Li.” Zayn tried pulling away again but Liam was always stronger than him. He could overpower him easily.

“Don’t lie to me, Zayn!” His voice cracked.

Zayn tried to pretend that he didn’t care. That he could walk away. But it was too difficult.

“Why do you think, you dolt. Do I have to spell it out for you?” Zayn sobbed in defeat.

“I’m sorry, Zayn.” Liam connected their foreheads before pressing a soft kiss to Zayn’s lips. It gentleness almost pained Zayn. Liam’s hands lightly soothed their way up Zayn’s clothed and shivering arms. “I’m real sorry I put you through all this.”

Liam was walking inside before Zayn’s eyes could follow. He was too busy trying to calm his wildly beating heart. “What are you doing?” He asked alarmed.

“Taking your advice.”

 

* * *

 

 

Liam attempted to announce it privately, and only to Sophia. But somehow, someway, her father ended up presenting him with a bloody nose anyway.

Discrete just wasn’t in the cards today was it? You could hear a simultaneous ‘oooh’ coming from Niall and Louis, then a bit of scattered laughter and shocked gasps.

“It’s really not funny at all.” Harry expressed lowly.

Zayn couldn’t react. He just stared on shocked and bewildered by Liam’s rashness. Amazed at the sudden lengths he went to just to be with him.

Sophia was in tears, and surely Liam felt Horrid. But he did what had to be done.

But the tears and the heartache and violence at the end of the night was all worth it to Liam.

 

* * *

 

 

That night in The spare Bedroom, Zayn took a warm cloth to Liam’s bruised face.

“It’s a good look on you, Li.” Zayn’s hand spread across the undamaged skin of Liam’s cheek. “Roughens you up a bit.” He smiled, teeth showing through.

“Oh, come off it.” Liam laughed.

Ignoring the pain, he kissed Zayn like it was the last thing he would ever do.


End file.
